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Occasionally, being a grad student is actually fun. The key is having a group that can come up with the only non-ludicrous presentation in the class (i.e., not injecting 300 million people with RFID chips in the back of the neck or spending more than the entire State Department’s budget on databases) while doing the least real, actual work.

And for this accomplishment, we are proud. Here’s how it worked:

5:30 PM, Student Union:
Cafe So and Simpsons.

6:00 PM, Social Sciences:
Editing begins.

7:22 PM:
Simran: Do not argue English with someone who comes from third world country.

8:05 PM:
Mike, on why he spends all day in the rotting Social Sciences Building: It’s kind of like when your wife is 90 and she’s old and disgusting, but you’re like, “I still love you.” This building is like that.

8:08 PM:
Simran, on using such British terms as “show-cause” and “pram”: You can make fun of my mom, and my country, and my sister even, but not my grammar!

8:31 PM:
Mike, on his section heading “Roll of the Government”: Is that wrong?

8:38 PM:
Mike, on why a command and control economy would never work: Pet rocks! The command and control economy would never think to put frickin’ eyes on a rock and sell it. But you stick this in a capitalist world, and somehow, if some guy is willing to spend his time sticking eyes on a rock, and he gets rewarded for it, more power to him!

8:39 PM:
Simran: I’m thinking this paper is pretty close to perfect.

8:43 PM:
Mike, on a past project: I totally figured out how to get through that project. I turned my whole room into a fort! I’m telling you man, this was a stroke of pure genius. [draws diagram] We went ahead and moved the desks … then this area just became what we called The Wasteland…

9:04 PM:
Simran, on finding proof that “show-cause” is actually a valid legal term: Thank you very much for laughing at the brown man.

10:11 PM:
Mike, on how getting married would help his diet (most ambiguous use of the word “that” award): I got this shady ex-girlfriend, and I keep telling her that. She needs to sort that out; if not, I’ll have a fun time eating tacos in the interim.

11:30 PM:
Editing complete, time for black and tans. Sentence of the day award goes to Mike, for this gem: This has led to the belief that security and privacy are interchangeable phenomena that interplay in a zero-sum game. (If all goes well, turnitin.com will crawl this and then tag our paper as being plagiarized).

~12:00 AM, The Auld Dubliner:
Eminent Philosopher Mike, on Battlestar Galactica: Good sci-fi does a better job explaining socio-political phenomena.

~1:00 AM:
Eminent Philosopher Mike: Alcohol does two things: it exemplifies emotions and justifies actions … No, the right way to put that is it justifies a violation of social norms.

~2:30 AM:
zzzzz

That was so much better than when we actually worked all night as undergrads.